Scared

I finally got to go to school today! I was so happy to see my friends, and even my teachers! It did feel weird walking down the halls again. I haven't done that in what seems like a LIFETIME! Everyone was so nice and friendly. Kids I didn't even know at school came up to me and asked how I was. To tell you the truth I felt like a celebrity! And it made me happy to see that teachers put up my blog address in there rooms.
I think the fear has kinda set in. I am a little scared. I knew that I would probably have to do chemo, and radiation but it is so real now. Everything has happened so fast, but I still have hopes that God could just take it away. The other night, I remember just laying in bed, and begging God to take it away. I always just wonder sometimes, even though this happened for a reason, why it still happened to me. I know God never gives you a situation you can't handle, but why me. Sometimes I feel like I can't handle this, and the hard part hasn't even started, and I want to give up. But then I think to myself I'm strong and God knows that. I have started thinking of ways to make the best out of this. How I could inspire so many children to not give up. Like when I went to the cancer center in Dallas, I teared up at all the little kids, and even babies, sitting there with their parents with no idea why they had to be pricked and poked. And then you start to think, they have it so much worse. They don't deserve it, what did they do wrong? What did I do wrong? The doctors told me it wasn't my fault, and I know that, but sometimes I just wonder. It is so easy to put yourself down in these hard times. But this will pass, it is just another bump in the road. It's going to be tough, but I'll be okay.
So next Wednesday, we are going back to Dallas. I am not excited. But the good thing is mom and I are flying and we will be back the same day!! They have to do another biopsy on my lymph nodes to see if the cancer has spread to it. Fun right? I just want it all to be gone. The cancer and everything. I want to be healthy again. It is weird to go from healthy to sick. Really sick. And yes it's scary, but God has big plans for me, and that makes me feel a lot better.