And It Begins!

We recently got home from Dallas yesterday. My mom and I flew to Dallas to get what we thought was a fine needle biopsy, but we ended up getting just a sonogram. The day was okay really, hot of course, but it was fine. We went to see our doctor there, and we made arrangements to take out my pick line, and put in a port, to start chemo on Monday. I have to also have the spots on my lungs removed. I will probably end up being in Dallas for the week, which is going to be awful. Fun way to start your summer, right? The only thing I am happy about is that we are starting now, so I can just get it over with. Everyone is already talking about all the fun stuff they will get to do this summer, and all I get to do is chemo and radiation. I am so jealous of everyone who doesn't have to do this. And I get mad while everyone complains how bad their life's are, when there are tons of people whose life's are just worse. I try to remember that their will always be someone who has it worse than you do.
I try to think of how blessed I am, and all the blessings God has blessed me with. Amazing friends, and family. God has recently given me a blessing, and I feel like I can talk to her about anything. I feel like no one understands what I am going through, and they will never understand, until they get diagnosed with an illness like mine. They aren't feeling what I feel, and they have no idea. It's hard to comprehend, because Cancer is such a big deal. The word itself is scary. Who would of guessed this would happen to me? It can happen to anyone. I was healthy, I ate right, and I made good choices, but it still happened. The hardest part of this whole thing for me is that I can't run, or play basketball. I can't be active. I'm not me anymore. Sometimes I feel like the tumor has taken everything from me, and has left me nothing. It's hard to act strong, and be strong for everyone. But really I strife to be stong for me, to help me keep going. I can't give up hope, and I feel like God will make the best out of this situation. Sure I will have 1 really awful summer, but think of all the amazing summers i will have when I beat this. WHen I am healthy again, and when the cancer is finally gone. It's hard to imagine it could get better, and sometimes I feel broken, and I want to fall apart, But I have to do this for me, to prove to myself I can do whatever I set my mind to. God is giving me strength, and I can do anything with him by my side. There is one bible verse that really helps me alot, Phillipians 4:13. I like to read it, and it is so true. You can do anything with God, and I am living proof.