It has been forever since I have updated or told anyone what's been going on. I had to go to Dallas for five weeks of radiation. Radiation was the most awful experience anyone could go through. I had to lay on a long hard table, and they put a tight mask on my face. This huge machine circles around me and shoots radiation beems into my neck. Thats not too bad, but the side effects are not fun. I got a sunburn on my neck, and sores. I got mucasitis too, and its bad. It makes it hard to eat and drink. It also messes with my taste buds. I want to eat SO bad. Chemo is the same, sucky but not near as bad as radiation. I had to start taking T.P.N and Lipids, which is a bag of nutrients and a bag of fat, and after surgery on Monday I will get a stomach tube. I'm a little nervous about surgery. It's a long surgery, and I'll be kept in a drug induced coma to allow it to heal a little bit. The tumor will be removed, and I will have a throat dissection. They are going to take skin and a vein from my leg to put on my throat. I'll stay in Dallas, at Zale Lipshy to recover, and hopefully a couple of weeks after surgery I will get my trach out. I haven't felt good in several months, I just have started feeling normal. Which sucks because I can't do anything. Sometimes I feel like this just takes over my life. But then i think, how great my life will be when all this is over and behind me. And how everything will go back to how it was before. Sometimes I just catch myself thinking about how it used to be, when I could do anything or eat anything. Just have a normal life. It is still a shock that this happened to me, which proves it can happen to anyone.
I have been kinda depressed lately. I'm tired of feeling bad all the time, never feeling normal. Not being able to taste anything. It sucks, but I know not to feel sorry for myself. Stay positive. Because I have so much to live for. I have my whole life in front of me. It will get better, and I am so excited to be healthy again. I am so blessed, with great friends and family, and an awesome God. This will pass, and it has already gotten better. GOD IS GOOD!
