I know I haven't posted a new post in a while. Sorry! My life has been crazy, and I have been super busy! Well one things for sure, chemo SUCKS! I hate it. I hate being sick, and tired. It's like my brain is telling me to go go go, and my body is refusing any physical movement. I started chemo last week, and it surprised me. The chemo I get is bright red, and when they gave it to me and hooked it up to my port, they told me that it was poisonous. I was like, umm excuse me? Pretty scary stuff. I get really nauseous and I through up a lot. Chemo made me lose 8 pounds, which actually is a lot of weight to lose.
I had to leave for Dallas on Monday and I had chemo Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I had to stay until Friday in Dallas Children's Hospital, then that afternoon I got to leave. the next day was pretty scary. I got so dehydrated, that i passed out in the bathroom. We had to call an ambulance, and they had to check me. I really had no idea what was happening. At that point i hadn't eaten in a week, I was so skinny. I hated having to go back to the hospital to get a shot, to double my white blood cells. To put it in they stick it in my stomach and it is really thick. It burns so bad when they put it in. I think the only good thing about that particular visit was that they gave me a port. I has surgery Tuesday morning for it, and it is so helpful. They don't have to poke me, or prick me. No more bruises, which is good. It is just this hard, heart shaped thing that they put under my skin. It has three holes in it, and they just stick a needle. in one of the holes to access it. Pretty easy, and it doesn't hurt much.
So I came home, and everything was fine. I started to eat, and go outside. Then Wednesday morning I woke up with a headache, and a really sore throat. I could barely swallow. It turned out I started running a high fever. 100.5. So that meant I had to come back to the hospital. Yuck! Fun way to spend your summer, right? And I can't have any visitors, because they told me I have an infection, and I have ulcers in the back of my throat. That makes it impossible to swallow. It hurts really bad.
This whole situation is just painful, mentally and physically. It so easy to be put down, and when I came back, I was so mad. I wish I could have a good summer, like everyone else. And I am so jealous that everyone has a life except for me. I still pray, for remission, and strength. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain. I guess I need to learn how to dance in the rain.
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