Thank God it's summertime. Everyone needs a long break, including me. I'm just really happy to have a normal summer without all the cancer crap. Summer is a time for rest and fun. I am determined to have a great summer and do those things.
Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
I have been getting stronger everyday. I am worry free right now and even though it's just the start of summer, I have already had a great one.
On July 5th we are leaving for my Make-A-Wish trip in the Bahama's and I am super excited.:) Its gonna be a blast! And I am soo super pumped!
No new new's on my lungs right now. So I have nothing new to update. I'm so extremely blessed to be loved by so many people. So keep the prayers coming! :)
- Posted using Madison's iPad<3
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Never Give Up The Faith.
"Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith, and belief in yourself, vision, handwork, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.".
I just finishes a purity program with Carenet, that discuses the importance of staying pure. During that program we went on a retreat. At that retreat we were given some time to sit and be quiet and just let God speak to us. In that time I opened my heart to really hear God and I felt him saying I was NOT going to die. But live and tell my testimony of faith to others. I believed that he was truly telling me this and so I decided that whatever problems I was having I was going to give them to God. I was going to let God work out his plan the way it was meant to be, not the way I expected it. I feel that God is using me and my story to glorify him, and he will heal me when he wants to do so.
Today I finished my last set of scans. A pet scan and a cat scan which scan my body for more cancer. I have 5 spots. It looks as if the infection I had is now gone, and the spots are the same, and haven't grown at all. To me that is great news. And I feel as if the spots are not cancer at all. My doctors want to remove them but I really think we should leave them and monitor them. They haven't grown, so I don't think they are cancerous. We are going to seek a second opinion. To see if maybe there is another way to remove them and handle this.
I still like to tell myself I am cancer free. The word REMISSION makes me happy inside and hopeful that all of this junk is almost over. But like I said God will do it on his terms.
"I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done."
Psalm 118:17
- Posted using Madison's iPad<3
I just finishes a purity program with Carenet, that discuses the importance of staying pure. During that program we went on a retreat. At that retreat we were given some time to sit and be quiet and just let God speak to us. In that time I opened my heart to really hear God and I felt him saying I was NOT going to die. But live and tell my testimony of faith to others. I believed that he was truly telling me this and so I decided that whatever problems I was having I was going to give them to God. I was going to let God work out his plan the way it was meant to be, not the way I expected it. I feel that God is using me and my story to glorify him, and he will heal me when he wants to do so.
Today I finished my last set of scans. A pet scan and a cat scan which scan my body for more cancer. I have 5 spots. It looks as if the infection I had is now gone, and the spots are the same, and haven't grown at all. To me that is great news. And I feel as if the spots are not cancer at all. My doctors want to remove them but I really think we should leave them and monitor them. They haven't grown, so I don't think they are cancerous. We are going to seek a second opinion. To see if maybe there is another way to remove them and handle this.
I still like to tell myself I am cancer free. The word REMISSION makes me happy inside and hopeful that all of this junk is almost over. But like I said God will do it on his terms.
"I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done."
Psalm 118:17
- Posted using Madison's iPad<3
Thursday, May 19, 2011
A Little Bit Stronger
Wow. So much has happened since my last post. I finally finished my last two chemo's! And my throat healed up fine! I got a very nice scar there actually! :) I am up to 118 pounds, and finally relearned how to swallow. Which took therapy. I'm eating a ton, and I am pretty much able to do everything my friends are doing! My hair is growing back, and it is curly which is exactly what I wanted it to do. Before I learned how to swallow I had to get a g- button put in my stomach. The button just opens and you can put food inside, and medicine. I don't use it anymore though, because I am eating regularly with no complications. I have been going out and being social. And pretty much working on being a regular kid!
But unfortunately my battle isn't over just yet. I have spots on my lungs. We don't know yet if they are cancerous or not. So my doctors want to do a double thorocodimee ( that's not how you spell it) which is a surgery where they would split open my chest and remove the spots. Which kinda sucks. So we are seeking other possible options.
Other than that my make a wish trip is coming up! I have decided to go to the Bahamas! We will probably go next month! I am super excited!!
I would like to think of myself as cancer free. But with those spots we don't know. We are just praying still. I am so thankful for everyones love and support. It means the world to me, and makes the light at the end of the tunnel a little more brighter!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
But unfortunately my battle isn't over just yet. I have spots on my lungs. We don't know yet if they are cancerous or not. So my doctors want to do a double thorocodimee ( that's not how you spell it) which is a surgery where they would split open my chest and remove the spots. Which kinda sucks. So we are seeking other possible options.
Other than that my make a wish trip is coming up! I have decided to go to the Bahamas! We will probably go next month! I am super excited!!
I would like to think of myself as cancer free. But with those spots we don't know. We are just praying still. I am so thankful for everyones love and support. It means the world to me, and makes the light at the end of the tunnel a little more brighter!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
CaNcEr SuCkS!
Well, I decided since I was feeling better to write another post. Recently, I had throat surgery to remove the tumor, which I am happy to say is gone! But I ended up having two surgeries because the graph that the doctor took from my thigh didn't take, so the second surgery he took a graph from my arm. Thank goodness that one took. But because I was in bed for two weeks, it was so hard to walk. I lost a lot of weight and strength. Which that's real bad if your about to have another chemo treatment. I also got my trachea out, which was kinda scary. The feeling of not being able to breath is awful. But when they took it out and closed the hole, I could finally breath out of my nose and mouth. Which was a great feeling.
The surgery caused me to have to relearn how to swallow. Which was weird because naturally you are born with knowing how to swallow. How could you forget? My speech therapist told me that it will be easier to swallow when the swelling in my neck to go down. Which could take awhile.
When we finally got back home I got to rest for several days then we headed back to Dallas for yet another chemo. Chemo was fine. I went and did my chemo and then trucked home to Amarillo. Now when you do chemo the following week you get neutropenic, and that's when your immune system is like zero. So that next week we went to see my pediatrician here and she decided that I should be taken to the hospital for a blood transfusion. I went to the hospital and that's when we noticed that the incision on my neck was infected. My pediatrician decided that we should go to Dallas Childrens hospital to get better care. So that night we were careflighted to Dallas in a little jet. It turned out that the incision got infected. It is serious for cancer patients to get infections because of our weak immune systems. The infection cause the incision on my neck to completely open up. The last chemo wasn't a good idea.
I stayed at the hospital for weeks before I could return home again. Since then I have been fighting constant nausea that has gradually gotten better. The bad thing is that I can't finish my last two chemo's untill my neck heals somewhat. Today was supposed to be my last chemo. I could of been done.
I'm sad that I am missing out on everything. I miss being with my friends. It's like chemo ruined my life, put strains on my relationships, and took away my love for music. I've forgotten what it's like to live. So I just pray that we have no more complications, and everything will turn out okay. I've still got some fighting to do but I'm almost done. God works in mysterious ways!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
The surgery caused me to have to relearn how to swallow. Which was weird because naturally you are born with knowing how to swallow. How could you forget? My speech therapist told me that it will be easier to swallow when the swelling in my neck to go down. Which could take awhile.
When we finally got back home I got to rest for several days then we headed back to Dallas for yet another chemo. Chemo was fine. I went and did my chemo and then trucked home to Amarillo. Now when you do chemo the following week you get neutropenic, and that's when your immune system is like zero. So that next week we went to see my pediatrician here and she decided that I should be taken to the hospital for a blood transfusion. I went to the hospital and that's when we noticed that the incision on my neck was infected. My pediatrician decided that we should go to Dallas Childrens hospital to get better care. So that night we were careflighted to Dallas in a little jet. It turned out that the incision got infected. It is serious for cancer patients to get infections because of our weak immune systems. The infection cause the incision on my neck to completely open up. The last chemo wasn't a good idea.
I stayed at the hospital for weeks before I could return home again. Since then I have been fighting constant nausea that has gradually gotten better. The bad thing is that I can't finish my last two chemo's untill my neck heals somewhat. Today was supposed to be my last chemo. I could of been done.
I'm sad that I am missing out on everything. I miss being with my friends. It's like chemo ruined my life, put strains on my relationships, and took away my love for music. I've forgotten what it's like to live. So I just pray that we have no more complications, and everything will turn out okay. I've still got some fighting to do but I'm almost done. God works in mysterious ways!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Monday, August 16, 2010
How Great Is Our God!
It has been forever since I have updated or told anyone what's been going on. I had to go to Dallas for five weeks of radiation. Radiation was the most awful experience anyone could go through. I had to lay on a long hard table, and they put a tight mask on my face. This huge machine circles around me and shoots radiation beems into my neck. Thats not too bad, but the side effects are not fun. I got a sunburn on my neck, and sores. I got mucasitis too, and its bad. It makes it hard to eat and drink. It also messes with my taste buds. I want to eat SO bad. Chemo is the same, sucky but not near as bad as radiation. I had to start taking T.P.N and Lipids, which is a bag of nutrients and a bag of fat, and after surgery on Monday I will get a stomach tube. I'm a little nervous about surgery. It's a long surgery, and I'll be kept in a drug induced coma to allow it to heal a little bit. The tumor will be removed, and I will have a throat dissection. They are going to take skin and a vein from my leg to put on my throat. I'll stay in Dallas, at Zale Lipshy to recover, and hopefully a couple of weeks after surgery I will get my trach out. I haven't felt good in several months, I just have started feeling normal. Which sucks because I can't do anything. Sometimes I feel like this just takes over my life. But then i think, how great my life will be when all this is over and behind me. And how everything will go back to how it was before. Sometimes I just catch myself thinking about how it used to be, when I could do anything or eat anything. Just have a normal life. It is still a shock that this happened to me, which proves it can happen to anyone.
I have been kinda depressed lately. I'm tired of feeling bad all the time, never feeling normal. Not being able to taste anything. It sucks, but I know not to feel sorry for myself. Stay positive. Because I have so much to live for. I have my whole life in front of me. It will get better, and I am so excited to be healthy again. I am so blessed, with great friends and family, and an awesome God. This will pass, and it has already gotten better. GOD IS GOOD!
I have been kinda depressed lately. I'm tired of feeling bad all the time, never feeling normal. Not being able to taste anything. It sucks, but I know not to feel sorry for myself. Stay positive. Because I have so much to live for. I have my whole life in front of me. It will get better, and I am so excited to be healthy again. I am so blessed, with great friends and family, and an awesome God. This will pass, and it has already gotten better. GOD IS GOOD!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Waiting For The Storm To Pass
I know I haven't posted a new post in a while. Sorry! My life has been crazy, and I have been super busy! Well one things for sure, chemo SUCKS! I hate it. I hate being sick, and tired. It's like my brain is telling me to go go go, and my body is refusing any physical movement. I started chemo last week, and it surprised me. The chemo I get is bright red, and when they gave it to me and hooked it up to my port, they told me that it was poisonous. I was like, umm excuse me? Pretty scary stuff. I get really nauseous and I through up a lot. Chemo made me lose 8 pounds, which actually is a lot of weight to lose.
I had to leave for Dallas on Monday and I had chemo Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I had to stay until Friday in Dallas Children's Hospital, then that afternoon I got to leave. the next day was pretty scary. I got so dehydrated, that i passed out in the bathroom. We had to call an ambulance, and they had to check me. I really had no idea what was happening. At that point i hadn't eaten in a week, I was so skinny. I hated having to go back to the hospital to get a shot, to double my white blood cells. To put it in they stick it in my stomach and it is really thick. It burns so bad when they put it in. I think the only good thing about that particular visit was that they gave me a port. I has surgery Tuesday morning for it, and it is so helpful. They don't have to poke me, or prick me. No more bruises, which is good. It is just this hard, heart shaped thing that they put under my skin. It has three holes in it, and they just stick a needle. in one of the holes to access it. Pretty easy, and it doesn't hurt much.
So I came home, and everything was fine. I started to eat, and go outside. Then Wednesday morning I woke up with a headache, and a really sore throat. I could barely swallow. It turned out I started running a high fever. 100.5. So that meant I had to come back to the hospital. Yuck! Fun way to spend your summer, right? And I can't have any visitors, because they told me I have an infection, and I have ulcers in the back of my throat. That makes it impossible to swallow. It hurts really bad.
This whole situation is just painful, mentally and physically. It so easy to be put down, and when I came back, I was so mad. I wish I could have a good summer, like everyone else. And I am so jealous that everyone has a life except for me. I still pray, for remission, and strength. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain. I guess I need to learn how to dance in the rain.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I had to leave for Dallas on Monday and I had chemo Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I had to stay until Friday in Dallas Children's Hospital, then that afternoon I got to leave. the next day was pretty scary. I got so dehydrated, that i passed out in the bathroom. We had to call an ambulance, and they had to check me. I really had no idea what was happening. At that point i hadn't eaten in a week, I was so skinny. I hated having to go back to the hospital to get a shot, to double my white blood cells. To put it in they stick it in my stomach and it is really thick. It burns so bad when they put it in. I think the only good thing about that particular visit was that they gave me a port. I has surgery Tuesday morning for it, and it is so helpful. They don't have to poke me, or prick me. No more bruises, which is good. It is just this hard, heart shaped thing that they put under my skin. It has three holes in it, and they just stick a needle. in one of the holes to access it. Pretty easy, and it doesn't hurt much.
So I came home, and everything was fine. I started to eat, and go outside. Then Wednesday morning I woke up with a headache, and a really sore throat. I could barely swallow. It turned out I started running a high fever. 100.5. So that meant I had to come back to the hospital. Yuck! Fun way to spend your summer, right? And I can't have any visitors, because they told me I have an infection, and I have ulcers in the back of my throat. That makes it impossible to swallow. It hurts really bad.
This whole situation is just painful, mentally and physically. It so easy to be put down, and when I came back, I was so mad. I wish I could have a good summer, like everyone else. And I am so jealous that everyone has a life except for me. I still pray, for remission, and strength. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain. I guess I need to learn how to dance in the rain.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thursday, May 27, 2010
And It Begins!
We recently got home from Dallas yesterday. My mom and I flew to Dallas to get what we thought was a fine needle biopsy, but we ended up getting just a sonogram. The day was okay really, hot of course, but it was fine. We went to see our doctor there, and we made arrangements to take out my pick line, and put in a port, to start chemo on Monday. I have to also have the spots on my lungs removed. I will probably end up being in Dallas for the week, which is going to be awful. Fun way to start your summer, right? The only thing I am happy about is that we are starting now, so I can just get it over with. Everyone is already talking about all the fun stuff they will get to do this summer, and all I get to do is chemo and radiation. I am so jealous of everyone who doesn't have to do this. And I get mad while everyone complains how bad their life's are, when there are tons of people whose life's are just worse. I try to remember that their will always be someone who has it worse than you do.
I try to think of how blessed I am, and all the blessings God has blessed me with. Amazing friends, and family. God has recently given me a blessing, and I feel like I can talk to her about anything. I feel like no one understands what I am going through, and they will never understand, until they get diagnosed with an illness like mine. They aren't feeling what I feel, and they have no idea. It's hard to comprehend, because Cancer is such a big deal. The word itself is scary. Who would of guessed this would happen to me? It can happen to anyone. I was healthy, I ate right, and I made good choices, but it still happened. The hardest part of this whole thing for me is that I can't run, or play basketball. I can't be active. I'm not me anymore. Sometimes I feel like the tumor has taken everything from me, and has left me nothing. It's hard to act strong, and be strong for everyone. But really I strife to be stong for me, to help me keep going. I can't give up hope, and I feel like God will make the best out of this situation. Sure I will have 1 really awful summer, but think of all the amazing summers i will have when I beat this. WHen I am healthy again, and when the cancer is finally gone. It's hard to imagine it could get better, and sometimes I feel broken, and I want to fall apart, But I have to do this for me, to prove to myself I can do whatever I set my mind to. God is giving me strength, and I can do anything with him by my side. There is one bible verse that really helps me alot, Phillipians 4:13. I like to read it, and it is so true. You can do anything with God, and I am living proof.
I try to think of how blessed I am, and all the blessings God has blessed me with. Amazing friends, and family. God has recently given me a blessing, and I feel like I can talk to her about anything. I feel like no one understands what I am going through, and they will never understand, until they get diagnosed with an illness like mine. They aren't feeling what I feel, and they have no idea. It's hard to comprehend, because Cancer is such a big deal. The word itself is scary. Who would of guessed this would happen to me? It can happen to anyone. I was healthy, I ate right, and I made good choices, but it still happened. The hardest part of this whole thing for me is that I can't run, or play basketball. I can't be active. I'm not me anymore. Sometimes I feel like the tumor has taken everything from me, and has left me nothing. It's hard to act strong, and be strong for everyone. But really I strife to be stong for me, to help me keep going. I can't give up hope, and I feel like God will make the best out of this situation. Sure I will have 1 really awful summer, but think of all the amazing summers i will have when I beat this. WHen I am healthy again, and when the cancer is finally gone. It's hard to imagine it could get better, and sometimes I feel broken, and I want to fall apart, But I have to do this for me, to prove to myself I can do whatever I set my mind to. God is giving me strength, and I can do anything with him by my side. There is one bible verse that really helps me alot, Phillipians 4:13. I like to read it, and it is so true. You can do anything with God, and I am living proof.
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